


Impossible Year

by hollowbirds (torturousthings)



Series: Written About You [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Ryden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 23:45:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8642854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torturousthings/pseuds/hollowbirds
Summary: Brendon couldn’t bear to turn around and look at Ryan’s face, so he closed his eyes. Tried to remember every feature of the boy he loved, the boy he’d never see again.It was scary.





	

**Author's Note:**

> please listen to the song while reading if you can! it was written while listening to it, so it should be read that way too :)

“What are you doing?” 

Ryan’s voice echoed through the room, startling Brendon. His hands left the keys he’d been pressing down, and the chord faded into the gut of the grand piano.

  
“Just something I’ve been trying to do,” Brendon said, voice breaking. “Do you really have to go?” He knew he sounded like he was begging, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want Ryan to leave. It was too soon.

Ryan clasped his hands together, the little white coral bracelet on his wrist catching Brendon’s eye.

The day they’d found that piece of coral had been beautiful. The beach had been completely empty, and they’d walked along the shoreline, hand in hand, careful not to get their shoes wet. Ryan had, though, and Brendon could still hear his laughter echoing on the deserted beach, along with the gentle sound of the waves on the sand.

It hadn’t been sunny, the sky a dull shade of grey, and yet Brendon recalled feeling happier than he had ever been. They had taken a bottle of alcohol with them, but now Brendon couldn’t remember what it had been.The happy daze he’d been in when he picked up that piece of coral and showed Ryan seemed so far away now, the colours of the sunset blurring together in Brendon’s mind. He pressed on a key, and the piano answered, letting out a sharp whine. He had his back turned to Ryan.

It was useless to deny it, though. Time had passed. He had to go.

Ryan’s hand on his shoulder, suddenly, made him long for all the times he hadn’t cherished his touch enough.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan’s voice was soft, like Brendon would break if he spoke louder. Maybe he would.

Brendon couldn’t bear to turn around and look at Ryan’s face, so he closed his eyes. Tried to remember every feature of the boy he loved, the boy he’d never see again.

It was scary.

He couldn’t remember anything, couldn’t picture Ryan’s face. There was only darkness brought by his eyelids.

Standing up from the piano seat, he turned around and finally looked at Ryan, _really_ looked at him, taking in his features, from his sorrowful eyes to the small tattoo decorating the inside of his wrist.

“We’ll see each other again, alright? You and me. I promise,” Ryan said in a breath. Brendon shook his head.

“There’s no you and me, Ryan. You have to go.”

Brendon breathed in but didn’t exhale. Feared that if he did, the tears gathering under his eyelashes would slip out; he wouldn’t let that happen.

Slowly letting out a breath, he looked up at Ryan, who had his gaze fixed on the little droplet inked on the inside of his wrist. When their gazes finally met, Brendon froze.

Ryan’s eyes were glistening, filled with unfulfilled dreams and unstolen kisses, with unsaid words and something else, something impossibly sad, beyond years and time, beyond anything Brendon could ever explain.

They overflowed. One droplet running down Ryan’s cheek, then another, just like the one on his skin. Brendon lifted one hand to wipe them away, the tears cold on his fingers, and then left it there, warm on Ryan’s cheek.

Closing the distance between them, he found Ryan’s lips with his, softly, carefully, as if now it was Ryan who was threatening to break.  

His lips tasted of tears, of home, of Ryan. He tried to remember this feeling. Store it in his heart, forever, a piece of Ryan he could always call his. Always.


End file.
